


Get to You

by The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight



Series: Celestial Songs [7]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: AkuSai Month 2020 (Kingdom Hearts), Angst, Celestial Songs, Game: Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days, LeaIsa Month 2020 (Kingdom Hearts), M/M, Mention of Roxas, Mention of Xemnas, Musical Prompt Playlist, Songfic, Songs of the Sun and Moon, Unrequited, mention of xion, sorry y'all but this one just hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:40:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25442551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight/pseuds/The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight
Summary: Saïx crosses the room in an instant. A heartbeat. He shoves Axel up against the wall with a growl. “You have no idea what I’ve done to make sure we’d both make it this far alive,” he says. “I am no puppet. I have full control of the situation. And right now, this situation calls for you to carry out your orders. I don’t care how difficult that may be for you. Either way, it needs to be done.”Axel hears his words, but he can’t focus on them. Can’t process them. Not when they’re standing so close. Barely a breath apart. The last time they were this close, they—No. He discreetly shakes his head. He can’t be thinking about that. Not now. Besides, that was so long ago now. So much has changed; he is aware of that. He does know just as well as Saïx. Nothing is the same. Nothing ever will be the same. And that includes them.
Relationships: Axel/Saïx (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Celestial Songs [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1820650
Kudos: 10





	Get to You

**Author's Note:**

> Song Used: "Say Something" by A Great Big World feat. Christina Aguilera
> 
> July 22nd, Day 16 of AkuSai/LeaIsa Month

_Say something, I’m giving up on you_

_I’ll be the one if you want me to_

_Anywhere, I would’ve followed you_

_Say something, I’m giving up on you…_

Nothing was supposed to turn out this way.

Axel stands by the window in his bedroom, staring out over The World That Never Was. He can feel the mist from the rain on his face. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. _Those orders were absolute_. Tch. Axel is so sick of following orders. Tired of all the icky jobs. He’s over it. Over the Organisation. The lies and deceit. He’s over the person he’s become. Except, as this point, he fears there’s no going back to who he used to be. No going back at all.

He hears the door open and close. He squeezes his eyes shut a bit tighter before opening them again. He doesn’t turn around, though. Doesn’t give the other the satisfaction. Not yet. Axel still has a lot of ground to stand on. But if he shows even the slightest weakness, he’ll fall right to his knees.

“Well?” the uninvited guest breaks the silence.

He swallows hard. “Well what?”

“How did it go?”

He curls his fingers into his palms, clenching his hands into fists. “I haven’t even left the Castle yet.”

“What are you waiting for, then? I already told you those orders—”

“I know.” He finally turns to face the other. To face Saïx. “They’re absolute.”

_And I am feeling so small_

_It was over my head_

_I know nothing at all_

_And I will stumble and fall_

_I’m still learning to love_

_Just starting to crawl…_

Saïx’s face is as unreadable as ever. “If you understand that, then you shouldn’t still be here.” He turns his back on him. “Leave. And do not RTC until the mission is completed to its full extent.”

“What if it can’t be completed?” Axel asks as the other starts to take his leave. Saïx pauses at the door. He doesn’t respond. Axel scoffs. “C’mon, why are you making me go through with this? What do you have against those kids?” Still nothing. Barely a turn of the head, even. “When we first joined the Organisation,” Axel goes on, “you would’ve been on my side in this matter.”

“When we first joined the Organisation, things were different,” Saïx says. “You know just as well as I do that so much has changed since then.”

“Tch. Yeah, you’re Xemnas’s little puppet now.”

Saïx crosses the room in an instant. _A heartbeat_. He shoves Axel up against the wall with a growl. “You have no idea what I’ve done to make sure we’d both make it this far alive,” he says. “I am no puppet. I have full control of the situation. And right now, this situation calls for you to carry out your orders. I don’t care how difficult that may be for you. Either way, it needs to be done.”

Axel hears his words, but he can’t focus on them. Can’t process them. Not when they’re standing so close. Barely a breath apart. The last time they were this close, they—No. He discreetly shakes his head. He can’t be thinking about that. Not now. Besides, that was so long ago now. So much has changed; he is aware of that. He does know just as well as Saïx. Nothing is the same. Nothing ever will be the same. And that includes them.

He pushes Saïx away from him. He swears he notices a flash of hurt shine through those golden eyes. Just for the briefest of moments. “You want it done so badly. Fine.” He steps away from the wall and from Saïx, opening a dark corridor. “I’ll get it done. I’m not doing this for you, though.”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself.”

Axel pauses. Hesitates before stepping through the corridor. Maybe he can just…leave. He doesn’t have to come back to the Castle. To the Organisation. He can just— _Run away with me_. He’s imagined over and over again convincing Saïx to do just that. To run away. The two of them. Together. He glances over his shoulder. At the unreadable look on the other’s face. Tch. Maybe…once upon time. Saïx is too far gone, though. He’s in too deep. Axel isn’t sure he’ll ever come back from this. He’s not sure either of them will come back from this.

“Well?” Saïx speaks up. “What are you waiting for?”

A sign. Anything at all. Something to let him know that—That the _friend_ he once knew is still in there. Tch. Who is he kidding? “Nothing,” Axel says.

He then leaves to do what it is he needs to do. Whether or not those needs comply with his orders is out of his hands.

_Say something, I’m giving up on you_

_I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you_

_Anywhere, I would’ve followed you_

_Say something, I’m giving up on you…_

Axel sits on his bed with an empty ice cream stick in his hand. _Winner_. Tch. He doesn’t feel anything like a winner. He does feel like he’s…forgetting something, though. Like, all of a sudden, something important had been wiped from his memory. But…what? It’s a strange sensation. He looks down at the ice cream stick. Hmm…

The door opens and closes as Saïx grants himself entrance. “See? That wasn’t so difficult now, was it?”

He rolls his eyes. “Whatever.”

“Don’t worry. Your part in this is far from over. We still need to retrieve Roxas and bring him back here.”

“He took off for a reason,” he says. “He doesn’t want to be here.”

“So what? He has no choice in the matter. Nowhere else to go. This is where he belongs until his job is done.”

His face darkens. He hates what the Organisation has done to Saïx. What it’s turned him into. He used to be far more compassionate. Understanding. Considerate. Now, though… Well, he truly does no longer care. That’s for damn sure.

“What happens once his job is done, then?” Axel goes on. “What happens once Kingdom Hearts has been fully realised?”

“That is none of your concern. Just bring him back.”

He pauses. “Just Roxas?”

“Yes, just Roxas. Who else would there be?”

“I dunno.” He scratches the back of his head. “Guess I just thought—”

“Our numbers are thirteen. No more, no less.”

“No less? Ya sure about that?”

“Stop stalling and go retrieve him.”

“And let me guess… Don’t RTC until the mission is complete?”

Saïx pauses. “Yes. Don’t bother returning unless you have Roxas in your custody.” And he leaves.

Well, that’s an easy out. _Don’t bother returning unless you have Roxas in your custody_. Maybe this is just what Axel needs. He can let Roxas be and just take off. Run away once and for all. Except… He’s not sure he could ever leave Saïx behind. Despite everything, he still feels as if he would be abandoning him. It’s a ridiculous notion, but—He takes another glance at the ice cream stick.

Tch. He’s no winner.

_And I will swallow my pride_

_You’re the one that I love_

_And I’m saying goodbye…_

It’s late. Axel shouldn’t even be here. It’s too risky and the reward—Well, he isn’t even guaranteed a reward. Somehow, though, the risk is still worth it. Whether or not it turns out how he plans—how he wants to go—it will be worth a try. Besides, he can’t just…not try. He’ll never know the answer unless he asks.

He reaches the desired door and opens it without bothering to knock. Opens it just wide enough for him to slip through. He then carefully and quietly shuts it. When he turns, he sees Saïx. He’s wide awake and sitting on the edge of his bed.

“So, you did survive?” Saïx greets him.

“Yeah, it’s good to see you, too.”

“I didn’t think you bothered with formalities.” He gets to his feet. “How foolish do you have to be to come back here?” he goes on. “Why are you here?”

“I’m here for you,” Axel says. He’s not gonna beat around the bush. “Come with me.”

“Come with you where?”

“It doesn’t matter. We could literally go anywhere. Anyplace the Organisation can’t find us. And we could live normal lives and—”

“Incomplete lives.” He steps up to Axel. “Have you forgotten why we’re here.” He places a hand on his chest. “Just as I suspected.” He meets Axel’s gaze. “Empty.”

As much as that word stings, Axel can only focus on Saïx’s hand. The feel of his hand on his chest is…overwhelming. This is the most contact they’ve had in ages. And because of it, Axel is about to cross every line. Every boundary. He’s about to do what could be the greatest mistake of his existence.

He takes Saïx’s face in his hands and kisses him.

_Say something, I’m giving up on you_

_And I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you_

_And anywhere, I would’ve followed you, oh_

_Say something, I’m giving up on you…_

It’s…different than Axel had anticipated. Kissing. The sensation that travels through his body is tricky to explain. There’s more of a spark than he thought there would be, though. Considering. And Saïx has reacted much better than Axel thought he would, too. The fact that he’s even reacted at all is a miracle. Yet, he doesn’t want to read too deep into it. It’s strange to say, but there’s still so much to figure out. To say.

When he breaks the kiss, he’s afraid to open his eyes. When he finally does, though, he almost could’ve sworn he saw teal eyes staring back before they transformed back to that golden amber hue.

For a long while, the only sound is that of them breathing.

“Have you lost your mind?” Saïx finally speaks up.

Axel immediately releases his face and steps back, putting a decent amount of distance between them. “You can’t tell me—”

“I can tell you that you are completely out of line.” He shakes his head. “What were you thinking?”

He’s wavering. There’s a certain…tone creeping into his voice. The smallest hint of some sort of expression. Emotion. “That meant something to you, just as it did to me.”

Except he’s still unreadable as ever. “You have lost your mind.”

Now Axel is shaking his head. “We don’t have to do this. We don’t have to stay here. We can leave and never come back.” He dares to close the distance and reach for Saïx’s chilled hands. “C’mon, just the two of us. Just like it used to be.”

“Except it will never be just like it used to. Get that childish notion out of your head.” He pulls his hands from Axel’s and turns his back on him. “You shouldn’t be here.”

His brow furrows. “Wait…you’re not gonna turn me over to Xemnas? You’re just gonna let me go?”

“I’ll make it fair and at least give you a head start.” He cocks his head to the side, using his peripheral to glance at the redhead. “I will catch up, though.”

He doesn’t move. Can’t move. Because this can’t be happening. He thought for sure Saïx would—Despite everything, they’ve always been in this together. Everything Axel has done has been for Saïx. So, this can’t be how it ends now. There has to be more.

“If you don’t leave now,” Saïx goes on after a few moments of silence, “I’ll have no choice but to—”

“This isn’t what you want,” Axel says. He hopes his voice doesn’t sound as desperate as he feels. “This can’t be what you want. Please… Tell me it’s not.”

_Say something, I’m giving up on you_

_Say something_

Saïx is quiet for a long while. Axel waits. He’ll wait for however long he has to. But he’s not leaving without an answer. Soon enough, Saïx turns to face him again. Walks over to him. There’s a flutter in Axel’s _empty_ chest. He’s not sure what he would call it. Wishful thinking, perhaps.

“You know nothing of what I want,” Saïx says.

Before Axel can respond, he hears the distinct sound of a corridor opening behind him. A corridor that Saïx then proceeds to push him through. As he falls back through it, he still finds himself reaching for Saïx. Except, it’s in this moment—where time has slowed down—that he realises he’s truly reaching for _Isa_. But Isa is long gone. Axel will have to accept that. He’ll have to live with it.

As the corridor closes, he loses sight of Saïx. Loses sight of his last hope.

As much as Axel doesn’t want to admit it, Saïx is right. Nothing will ever be liked it used to. And no words could ever say more than the silence of that last unspoken goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't ask me about the ending cuz idk if it makes sense or not lmao In the moment of writing, it just seemed to work x3
> 
> ~~~~
> 
> Follow this event on twitter and tumblr using #CelestialSongs
> 
> twitter: @/LadySage08  
> tumblr: the-clock-strikes-twilight


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